Breaking News: Justice for the Common Wealth coalition demands Reparations
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A satirical look into the Climateverse*
LONDON — As Queen Elizabeth II was laid to rest last Monday in a royal funeral featuring all the grace, solemnity and pomp of her father King George VI before her, the whole world faces the End of an Era and the beginning of something new.
Since her passing on September 8, there have been referenda in the northern nations of the United Kingdom, specifically Scotland and Northern Ireland. In Northern Ireland, we saw last week the historic victory of United Ireland — a movement and referendum to reunite the island of Ireland as a single state and member of the European Union. In Scotland a similar referendum is in the works, as the nation considers its post-Elizabethan future.
Meanwhile, at the fringes of the Kingdom, a quieter but even more powerful shift was revealed just this morning: the national representatives of all commonwealth nations (notably excluding the UK, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and South Africa) have been mounting a reparations coalition over the past few years, called Justice for the Common Wealth in anticipation of the royal transition of power.
“We knew we would have an unprecedented opportunity in the end of Her Majesty’s historic reign,” said coalition representative Kamalesh Sharma from India, “and given the political shifts in society in the last few years alone, in addition to the mounting climate crisis and the inaction on Loss and Damages on that front, we knew we could mount support for a seismic shift across the so-called Commonwealth.”
The Justice for the Common Wealth coalition, composed of 42 member nations, calls on the British Crown and his government to divert the annual income paid to the Royal family to a Common Wealth Fund that will be distributed to all nations previously and continuously colonized by the British. The funds will be disbursed with a focus on climate mitigation and adaptation efforts, in addition to initiatives aimed at healing the psychological trauma of colonization. In addition, the group demands the return of all stolen artifacts in the Royal estate and the British museum (including Crown jewels) be returned to their rightful owners post-haste. Finally, an apology for the damage of colonialism from both the British government and King Charles himself, as 56 out of the 94 countries on Earth celebrate their independence from the British empire every year.
The group also supports all current independence movements in countries where King Charles remains Head of State.
Sources close to 10 Downing Street say that some conversation is underway. British police are preparing for the possibility of demonstrations in the streets of London later this week. No comments from the palace at the time of publication.
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